


and there was a light (oh, there was a fire)

by Valkyrees



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Bonding, F/F, I suck at tags, Psychic Abilities, Tried to keep it fluffy, by a lake, except neither one of them can bond, i'm probably missing like everything, slightly angsty, tw for v brief mention of past suicidal ideation, two girls bonding over tacos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-21
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-27 21:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30129075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyrees/pseuds/Valkyrees
Summary: -It's the type of kiss that Lena's only ever imagined - breathing them in, giving too much, taking what she can. There's fire and then there's lava; there's Kara's hand on her thigh, and then there's Kara gasping into her mouth, moaning sounds that Lena swallows, heart beating so fast she's afraid it'll tear through her skin. She can't catch her breath, keeps chasing air from Kara, and it feels a little like she wants to break, like she just might crack in two.or,The one where Lena has unlimited psychic potential and Kara has none (or a Darkest Minds au that went so far left it looks nothing like the inspo).
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 50
Kudos: 465





	and there was a light (oh, there was a fire)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! here are some-
> 
> **things you might need to know (but are also detailed in the story):**
> 
> this is loosely based off the movie darkest minds because i liked the whole psychic(?) thing and thought it'd be nice to write about. but i'm also really lazy and didn't want to create all these different powers, so the whole world is psychic, but there are different levels of it. lena would be the equivalent of an orange (if you've watched the movie), and she's also like, the only one in the world. most people can read minds, sense feelings, basic psychic things, but she can change minds, delete memories, control other people, etc...
> 
> she's technically dangerous, but she's really soft and just wants friends. kara is the only person in the world with no psychic energy, and therefore the only person that lena can't hurt.
> 
> that's it. that's the whole story. it's nothing like the movie, that's what loose means.
> 
> anywho, 
> 
> there were several times where i wanted to delete this, and maybe i should have, but i wrote so many words i thought why not just post it as is. so, here you have it.
> 
> for anyone that actually reads this, hope you enjoy <3

"There's someone I want you to meet."

Lena frowns into her drink, head spinning because this is her third _zombie_ and the bar smells like smoke and sweat and spilled whiskey, and she swears the moon feels low enough she could reach out and touch it. "Hmm?" She takes another sip and frowns again. She hates meeting new people.

Andrea sighs, and then she reaches across the table and touches Lena's hand like she's checking in. Lena knows it's supposed to be a caring gesture, but she's suddenly hit with _she's had too much, should take her home, is she okay_ , and she nearly knocks her drink over trying to up the setting on her filter bracelet. Her head is fucking throbbing as is, can't handle dipping into Andrea's, too. "I'm sorry," Andrea says fast, snatching her hand away. "I keep forgetting, fuck, I'm sorry. There's a girl I want you to meet, though."

"It's okay," Lena says, distracted until she finally gets her bracelet on the max setting. She can barely hear her own thoughts this way, everything cloudy and muffled, like she's listening to dubstep underwater, but at least she won't accidentally get a flood of what every other person is thinking. Andrea runs a hand through her hair, and Lena finally gets herself to focus long enough to pick up on what she's saying. She takes a second, then she asks, "Who do you want me to meet?"

Usually, this is the point where Andrea abandons all plans and says _it's okay, we can just go home_ , but it must be important, because she smiles and says, "Sam has this friend who has a sister who's a blackhole."

Lena struggles to put that sentence together, but she knows she heard _blackhole_ , and she'll never be too out of it to know what that means. She's spent enough nights dreaming about them, fantasizing, wishing they were real, but... they're not. They're just a theoretical possibility, a nice thought but nothing more. "Those don't exist, it's just a myth. They never - it's not a thing."

"That's what I thought, too," Andrea says, and Lena presses her eyes closed, tries to drown the music out. It's mostly just her and Andrea at the bar, one guy asleep in the corner dreaming about fish, and the bartender who keeps worrying about her university classes, mind flitting between grades and studying and earning enough money she can move away from her family finally. It still feels like too much for Lena, though - even with it this empty, even with her bracelet - so she imagines it's just her and Andrea at the beach, the calm moment right before sunrise, and that helps her think a little better.

"This girl is legit, though, I swear," Andrea goes on. "I think her name is Kara. She doesn't shake too many hands, but Sam said she'd be willing to for a supernova. She's always wanted to meet someone as rare as she is."

Lena lifts her glass to take another drink, but Andrea puts her hand over the top of it, careful not to touch Lena as she presses it back down. "I don't want to shake hands," Lena decides, then she looks in the direction of the water and says, "I want the ocean. I want to sit on the beach, touch the sand."

"I know," Andrea tells her, voice soft, always gentle when she talks to Lena.

She opens her mouth to say something else, but Lena tunes her out, eyes glazing over as she stares into the distance, as she imagines her head sinking under the water and the silence that comes with it.

When she was a kid, she spent every holiday with Andrea and her dad visiting the beach. She loved the ocean, always did, even before she understood why - before she realized the water worked as a buffer for her psychic energy - she loved it because it was the only place she ever truly felt happy, like the world was this big, impossible thing and she was somehow an important part of it. 

She remembers flying out of Metropolis, _being_ on a plane, how she and Andrea would compare CD collections and choose the best ones for the flight, happily sharing headphones and drinking too many of the little plastic cups of Coke. She remembers how they'd wake up each morning at 5:30am, tiptoe out of their bunks and poke Andrea's dad to see if he was awake too, laughing when he ruffled their hair and told them to run and put on their shoes. They were so young back then, always filled with endless amounts of energy. They would talk non-stop the whole morning, bumbling past the tired hotel workers starting their morning shifts at the front desk as they headed toward the parking lot, cold morning air greeting them with the familiar scent of saltwater. And then they'd pile into the back of the jeep so they could drive to the local coffee shop.

That was Lena's second favorite place, a quaint sort of space with funky colors painted on the walls and artwork strewn about from local artists that you could buy. It's where they'd order giant hot chocolates, overflowing in to-go cups with whipped cream and rainbow marshmallows, before _finally_ heading to the beach. It was always shrouded in fog that early, and the water was freezing cold, but she and Andrea would carefully carry their hot chocolate down the wooden stairs onto the sand and slowly walk into the water up to their ankles. Their toes would go numb, but it never seemed to matter. They'd just stand there looking out at the ocean until Andrea's dad called them away, and then they'd climb back into the jeep and find an adventure for that day.

Lena wishes things were still like that, exciting and care-free, but as she got older, she got stronger - and the stronger she got, the more sensitive she became. At first, it was just _hard_ being around other people, hard to keep to herself; she kept accidentally peeking into their thoughts or seeing their precious memories. But at some point, it went from something that was _really fucking challenging_ to something that was outright impossible, and she found herself cycling through minds faster than she knew how to control. And that's eventually how she ended up _here_ \- living in the middle of nowhere, staying as far away from people as she possibly can, keeping to herself, being alone, slowly going crazy in her house at the edge of a lake.

She only gets to see Andrea once every three months. And she pays for it, too -spends the following seven days with a migraine so thick it feels like she can't breathe, because filter bracelets aren't designed to be worn for forty-eight hours straight. But she wouldn't give it up for the world - her only remaining modicum of in-person social interaction - because she's pretty sure she'd stop existing if she lost this. Humans aren't meant to be alone, and she doesn't want to know what it's like to be starved so long she goes crazy.

So maybe Andrea gets too close and touches her too much, and always forgets to block, but Lena fucking loves it.

" _Lee_ ," Andrea drags out, in a tone that suggests this isn't the first time she's said her name. Lena taps the setting lower on her bracelet, just a notch, but it's already enough she can feel it - how worried Andrea is, her concern. It's overwhelming to take in when they're so close, so Lena ups it again and clenches her teeth, tries to will the headache of feelings away. "We can meet her by the lake close to here - there's the one with the little outdoor bar. We can get you some food there, too. It'll be fun."

Food sounds fucking fantastic. Lena would kill for a taco right now. "Don't let me eat too much," she says. "I'll get sick in the morning. It never mixes well with me drinking."

"I know," Andrea says, tapping her fingers on the table. "I always watch out for you, promise. And I think you'll like Kara. I mean, I've never met her or anything, but a fucking blackhole, right?"

"They don't exist," Lena says again because they don't. Every person has some form of psychic energy. And even if it's not a lot, if other people don't notice, _she_ will. "I can hear and feel everything. It's just the way it is."

"Okay, well," Andrea starts, then she pauses a second. "How about this - we meet up with her so you can tell her she's not? Honestly, it's not cool that she's going around lying like that, right?"

Lena frowns. It isn't cool. Especially for people like her who always wanted someone like that to exist. It just gets her hopes up and for what? To crush them. That's fucked up. "No, it's not. It's not cool. We should tell her."

"That's what I'm saying," Andrea says.

Lena tries to lift her drink again, but Andrea presses it back down again, and. Sure. Lena supposes she has a point. This girl is either a blackhole or Lena can tell her she's not. Either way, she gets tacos. "Yeah, alright. Let's go tell her," she says. "Tacos. I want some fucking tacos. From the bar by the lake. Don't forget about the tacos."

"I won't," Andrea laughs. "We'll get you some tacos."

Andrea calls their driver after that, then grabs Lena a to-go cup of water and watches her fumble into the backseat of the car. Lena spends the entirety of the ride with her face smashed to the window, eyes chasing the shadows, growing wide trying to see in the dark. By the time they're at the lake, she forgets why they're even there, so she tells Andrea she needs a minute and hobbles herself away. She makes it a good one-hundred feet before she plops down in the sand and drops her head, lowering the setting on her bracelet to only a third of the way, and letting her mind get some rest for the first time tonight.

She doesn't know how long she sits like that, feels like forever, but when she finally lifts her head again, she's not alone. There's a girl sitting next to her - blonde with tan skin and nice arms and _three tacos,_ pretty lips and blue eyes and shaggy bangs. She's really nice to look at, Lena thinks, but more importantly: she's silent.

Like, radio fucking silent.

With her bracelet this low, Lena can usually feel anyone within sixty feet of her. And even on the highest setting, she can still _feel_ them, hear their thoughts, if she pushes hard enough. But with this girl, there's nothing. No matter how hard Lena pushes. It's fucking weird. She rubs her palms over her eyes and tries to force her mind to remember the name. God. Fuck. "Kara," she blurts, suddenly. "Sam has a friend who has a sister who's a blackhole."

"That would be me," Kara smiles. Then she says, as she offers Lena the plate with the tacos, "Lena, right? You're the supernova that Alex keeps telling me about."

Lena grabs a taco off the plate, cupping it in her hands so she doesn't lose any meat to the sand. "I can't hear you."

Kara chuckles. "Yeah, that's my party trick."

"It's weird," Lena says.

"So I've been told."

Lena feels her cheeks go hot. She's used to being on the receiving end of hate, being the _weird_ one every time she accidentally enters someone's head or responds to a thought they didn't say out loud. She didn't mean it that way with Kara, just that it's weird for _her_ , specifically, because no one's ever really silent.

"Not like that," she fixes it, and takes a bite of her taco. She watches Kara shove two-thirds of one in her mouth before she adds, "I just meant it's weird for _me_ for someone to be silent. Not that you're weird."

Kara answers her once she finishes chewing. "I know what you meant," she says, with a kindness that sounds a lot like Andrea. She tilts her head and smiles. "You get it."

"Being different?"

"Being terrifying," Kara puts more accurately. "Having everyone around you think you're like, dangerous or something. I don't know. It's hard sometimes when you just want to exist."

"Tell me about it," Lena mumbles. She shoves the second half of her taco in her mouth and wipes her palms on her shirt as she chews, watches Kara finish hers off too, before she asks, "Do people actually fear blackholes? I always thought the idea of a blackhole was cool, always wished I could meet one, but. I honestly figured you didn't exist until pretty much right now. I thought Andrea was just getting jerked around."

"Yeah, we're pretty rare," Kara starts, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Rare as in I don't know of anyone outside of myself. And it's always shocking for everyone. Like when I shake a hand everything goes silent. Or people try to get a feel for me and _can't_. Everyone is so used to thinking psychically, they don't know how to navigate asking someone how they're feeling, you know? They think something must be wrong with me, like I'll break them or something if I get too close, make them lose their abilities, too."

Lena never thought about it that way, that most people don't dream of silence at night. It makes sense, really, but all she's ever wanted is to coexist _without_ feeling dangerous, without being overstimulated.

"I'm sorry," she says, "that you have to deal with that."

Kara just shrugs, nonchalant, and clears her throat. "You do, too. No need to be apologetic, yeah?"

"Right, that's true I guess." There's a lot of silence after that, a few minutes of them listening to the sounds of the lake. Then, at the same time, like they have the same thought, they both reach for the last taco. They don't collide hands, both pulling back like the other one is fire, and there's something a little funny about it - like they're the only people in the world who would _enjoy_ touching each other, and yet. There's so much apprehension, nerves built-in that don't need to be there. Kara laughs first, then Lena joins in, both of them relaxing. "I'll trade you sob stories for it," Lena suggests. "Whoever has it worse off wins?"

"That's definitely _one_ way to go about it," Kara says, laughing some more, eyes glistening in the moonlight when she looks at Lena. "But I'm down if you start us off."

"Okay," Lena agrees, then it takes several seconds for her to come up with what she wants to say first. She decides she should start with something big. "I can't bond," she tells Kara. "There's a 98% chance I'll kill my bondmate, melt their brain," she explains, pointing at her head. "Too dangerous."

"You _can_ bond," Kara emphasizes. "It's just not advisable. I, on the other hand, cannot. It's impossible. I'll never know what it's like to _feel_ another person. Not outside of physically."

"At least you _can_ touch someone physically. I can't even be in the same room as other people without a filter bracelet, and if I touch them..." Lena trails off, chewing the inside of her cheek, figuring out the best way to make her point. Kara just blinks at her, licking her lips, eyes wide and caring. Lena knows it's a competition, but more than anything she wants to talk about how shitty life is to someone who understands. "I could erase someone's memory of their child, you know? I could accidentally kill a person if I'm upset or project too strongly. I could control people, multiple at the same time. I have to live off the grid because - well, because I physically can't be around other people - but also because the fucking government thinks I'm too powerful to not be contained."

Kara nods, then without hesitation says, "Yeah, the government made me a can't-refuse offer to enlist in armed services. Five years of being treated like I'm heartless because I can't bond, being turned into a weapon. No one could ever feel me coming, couldn't get inside my head or use the psychic warfare tactics, so I racked up kills like—" She cuts herself off, and Lena can tell she feels it, too - that she wants to talk about it, that she wants to let it pour out of her as if it can make the hurting stop. "I can't sleep at night."

"Jesus," Lena mumbles. Then, without meaning to, she says something she's never spoken out loud before. "Sometimes I think about ending it. When it's been months since I've seen Andrea and I'm tired of eating shelf-stable foods because I can't grocery shop, I just - I think _what's the point_. Is there a point to all of this?"

"There's a point," Kara whispers, then faster than Lena can register what's happening, Kara reaches over and grabs her hand. Lena's first instinct is to snatch away from it, but against her better judgment, she sits in it, instead. She's glad she does, too. She can't hear a single thing, just the quiet of the lake and the hum of their breathing, the distant sound of their friends laughing in the background, and the soft music at the bar. Kara's hand is fucking soft too, warm and a little damp like her palms are sweating. Lena wonders if she's nervous about them touching, if Kara's heart is hammering like her own.

"You should take off your bracelet," Kara says, looking at Lena's wrist. "I've read they have terrible side effects - nausea, vomiting, migraines, blackouts. You're safe with me, don't need it."

"Maybe not for you, but for other people..." Lena waves her free hand through the air and looks over her shoulder at the bar. "I could hear them if I took it off, even from here. I could feel them - their happiness, their worry, sexual attraction, annoyance at the fact I'm in their heads. It's for them, not you. I can't handle it."

"No, that's what I mean," Kara says, studying her face for a second. "I can block all of that, help you filter. Someone once said touching me is like sucking all the air out of a room, you know? That's why they call us blackholes - we're like suction for psychic energy. They tried to make me wear the stupid bracelets, too. But I'm like you, rather be off the grid, away from too many people."

"I like the bracelets," Lena admits. "They help me see Andrea."

Kara doesn't fight her on it.

She presses her lips together, then says, "Maybe just tonight, then? We can hold hands and hang out with everyone, and maybe you don't have to feel like crap in the morning from more than just the drinking."

"I don't know," Lena says. The last time she was around _anyone_ without a filter bracelet was eight years ago, and she ended up huddled in a corner until Andrea scooped her up because she couldn't find her way back to her own head. She doesn't want to have a meltdown tonight, just wants to relax. She squeezes Kara's hand, enjoys the contact while she can. "I don't want to ruin the night for anyone, and like. I'm used to it - the side effects."

It's not true. Each time she wears it, it gets a little worse, the migraines even stronger.

She's experienced it all - nausea and vomiting, losing an entire day of time. But it'll never stop being worth it for her.

"Okay, so maybe I'm a little selfish," Kara announces, "but I've never actually met a person who managed to hold my hand this long, someone who appreciates the way I am, and even thinks it's cool to meet me, so. Could you take it off _just_ so I can feel - I don't know - not unwanted for once? Like I'm useful."

Lena doesn't know Kara that well, but she can sense she's not selfish. She knows it's just a ploy, but _god_ it fucking works, because it's _also_ a little true, she can tell. Kara does want to feel wanted, even if her larger goal is to protect Lena. "Sure," she gives in, "but only because you're desperate and I feel bad for that."

She tries to soften it with a smile, hint it's a joke. And thankfully, Kara gets it. She snorts a laugh. "Yeah, you got me. No shame, just thirsty. Do you want the last taco?"

Lena quirks a brow. "So, I won?"

Kara shrugs again. "I was always going to give it to you."

Lena reaches for her mentally. It's not on purpose, just habit - she wants to know what Kara's feeling. But she gets nothing again, even with skin-on-skin contact. "Why do you care?" she asks. "About me. That I'm wearing the bracelet or getting side effects. I tried to read your mind, figure it out, but. I can't. So, I'm asking."

Kara shrugs yet again. She _keeps_ shrugging, and Lena can't read that.

She doesn't know what it's saying, what she's feeling, if Kara likes Lena or just pities her. It takes a while to get an answer, though. And the longer Lena sits in the silence, the more flushed she feels - heat creeping along her arms and chest, her neck. She's sure her cheeks were already red. Finally, after Kara's finished biting a bruise into her lip, she asks, "Do you believe in like, there being a plan out there somewhere? Something that ties it all together and makes it all make sense?"

Lena shakes her head. "Not really."

Kara chuckles. "Me either. But I know people like me and you are so rare that others don't think we exist. So, the fact that we found each other, it's like - I don't want to say fate, but it _does_ make sense. It just feels like if I ever had a shot at something better, it would be with someone like..." She stops herself, eyes focused on their linked hands. "Look, I know I'm maybe coming off a little weird, and I know it's probably dumb, but—"

Lena cuts her off by pulling their hands apart, then she lifts the sheer fabric of her chiffon skirt and pulls Kara's hand to rest on her thigh. It's supposed to be a placeholder while she takes the bracelet off, but she's never had another person touch her _there_ , and so she's wholly unprepared for the heat that hits her hard low in her belly. She has to take several deep breaths just to calm it down, and she's really fucking glad Kara can't read her either, because when she squeezes Lena's thigh to comfort her, she only says, "You don't have to be scared. I promise it'll work."

"Right," Lena says, "the bracelet." She pulls it off her arm and then she turns it down until she sees the sensors on the back go off before she hands it over to Kara. "Keep it safe?"

"If I chuck it in the lake, it was an accident," Kara says, taking the bracelet and stuffing it in her pocket, "but I'll try my best to get it back to you later. Since you like it."

Lena takes the taco and makes a point to eat it with both hands. Kara takes the hint, smiles and lets her own hand melt against Lena's thigh. Lena likes it right there; glad she doesn't have to say it. "They'll be weird, won't they?" she asks, muffled as she chews. "Our friends if we go over. Like, looking at us and asking questions."

"Does that make you nervous?" Kara asks, tilting her head. It feels obvious to Lena, but she can sense that Kara is _really_ asking, that she's genuinely curious, and. It's just. Interesting. Lena feels off-kilter because she can't feel _one_ person, but Kara can't feel anyone. She always has to ask, has to guess what people are feeling, can never know for sure if someone's telling the truth, if she can trust them, or if they're just lying.

It sounds fucking exhausting, always being unsure. Lena hates the way she is herself, but she can't imagine what it's like to not be able to reach in, to not check for Andrea's nerves or feel it when she's telling a lie, not be able to read the truth out of her mind when she's too choked up to say it. She can't imagine what it's like relying on others to actually _say_ how they feel. Because even when Lena does ask, the answer is rarely the truth or rarely the whole of it. And she doesn't think people even mean to lie about it, they're just terrible at relaying what's actually going on. Kara has to live her whole life navigating that, trusting blindly.

Lena suddenly feels so soft for her. She should have given her the taco.

"Sorry," Kara breathes, and Lena realizes an awkward amount of time has passed without her responding. "It's not always - I can't tell sometimes, and I don't want to assume."

Fuck, Lena should probably say something. "Don't apologize, I just - it's sort of like nerves," she tries to explain. "You know when you have this thing you're insecure about, and you just know when you talk to someone, they're going to bring it up when you'd rather you both pretend it's not a thing? It's that feeling, knowing you'll have to talk about something you can barely think about without cringing."

"Oh," Kara says, perking up a little. "Yeah, Alex does that all the time. I hate it."

Lena groans. "Andrea, too. She's always like _let's talk about it_ , and I'm like _why_ , you know? Why do we have to talk about it? I'm pretty sure you _know_ I don't want to. Why do we have to talk about _anything_?" 

Kara laughs at that and squeezes her thigh, and Lena feels herself clench inside, the heat in her belly twisting around itself. She has her legs crossed and it suddenly feels illicit somehow, like maybe she should close them. "I don't think talking about things is so bad," Kara says. "At least it helps for me. Can't exactly reach inside and feel it out."

"I mean, I'd talk to _you_ ," Lena emphasizes. "That's only fair, but. I don't know. When other people can feel you it's like you're always giving away more pieces of yourself than you intend to."

"Yeah, I don't envy that," Kara huffs. "I like giving away exactly how much I want."

"Yeah," Lena says, and then they're silent again.

She likes the silence with Kara, sitting quietly together, getting to experience what it's like not killing herself just to be alone in her headspace. She wishes it could be like this forever, that she could be touched more and not have it feel like the end of the world every single time.

God, she misses just... existing. In the presence of others.

That's a dangerous thought, though, a slippery slope, so she tucks it away and shakes off the feelings that came along with it. She'd rather stay right here, right now, focus on the fact that Kara hasn't moved her hand and it feels like she's not going to, not until they can't sit here any longer. Lena shivers in the breeze, looking up at the stars and breathing in the fresh air. "I think there's heating underneath the covering at the bar," Kara says, shifting slightly closer. "We can go over if you want, finally join in."

"I'm fine," Lena whispers.

"You're cold," Kara points out, and Lena doesn't comment on it. Kara hums, laughing softly to herself, then she says, "Well, I have a jacket in the jeep if you want it. Does that sound better?"

That does sound better, safer than the bar, dealing with the stares. They've been touching long enough that Sam and Andrea have definitely noticed. Lena doesn't want to face it yet. "Yeah, I'd like that. I'll walk with you?"

"Lovely," Kara smiles, and then she helps Lena up.

Her jeep is parked a little way away from the lake, enough that the breeze over the water is less apparent and they're surrounded by more trees than anything else. It's only now that Lena really feels the chill setting in, when Kara lets go of her hand and her head spins, scared she'll slip into someone else's mind across town or when they're driving or something worse. She doesn't, thankfully, just reaches for Kara and sinks into the calm, but it's enough to make her want to go to the bar even less. She doesn't want to be around people like this - normal people - but she also doesn't want to put the bracelet back on. 

"Can we just sit inside?" she asks. "The jeep. I like the calm here, the quiet and the dark."

"Yeah, sure," Kara says, fishing her jacket out of the backseat. Lena rubs her hands together and lets Kara put it over her shoulders, then she tucks her arms in the sleeves and wraps it around herself. It's dumb, but she can _smell_ it immediately - a scent better than cologne or detergent or whatever else artificial thing you can put on. It smells _worn_ , like it's a mix of Kara's entire week, like an actual extension of who she is. Lena already wants to keep it, wants to drown in it. "I can turn the engine on if you want me to, get us some heat."

"Yeah," Lena whispers. She feels flushed.

Even more so when Kara grabs her hand again, slowly runs her thumb across her palm. "I'm having a hard time reading you," she says, voice airy like she's nervous, like she's confessing something. "I'm usually pretty good at it, is the thing. I only get tripped up when I like someone, and I like _you_."

"I sense a conjunction," Lena says. She sinks a little.

Kara laughs. It's harder to see her face under the trees, but it's somehow still nice to look at, the shadows dancing across her skin. Lena keeps thinking _beautiful_ , the only word she can really find to describe Kara. And Kara _is_ beautiful, look-away-from-the-ocean beautiful, even though it's obvious she's tired and it's nearly 1am, and Lena can see the day starting to tug heavy on her eyes. Lena can't get enough of her, wants to take her all in, from the scar on her forehead, to her messy hair, to her full, soft lips that are the sort of pink that doesn't seem real. She's fucking radiant, like the moon, like sunlight.

"Yeah, there was a conjunction coming," Kara tells her, "except it wasn't going to be a _but_ , it was going to be a _so_. I like you, _so_ I'd like to know if you like me, too. Because if not, I can leave you alone."

"You're already trying to run," Lena says, because joking helps her hide the way her heart is fluttering. She cracks, though, when she sees the slow way Kara inhales, how her eyes are searching. "I don't want you to leave me alone, okay? I like you, too. I like talking to you."

"Oh, good," Kara says. She bites her lip and smiles around it. "Just wanted to be sure, not make any assumptions or whatever. But, um." She clears her throat. "Yeah, so. Do you just want to like, chill? In the car. Or do you want to listen to music? Do a sing-along? Maybe talk about our childhoods, old traumas, kiss a little?"

"Is that an option?"

"What? Talking about our childhoods?" 

Lena snorts. "No, I meant listening to music, doing a sing-along."

"Yeah, of course, we can do whatever you want," Kara says, and Lena's belly flip-flops.

"So, it's all up to me, then?"

Kara scrunches up her nose. "Mmm, I don't know. I didn't really say _that_ , did I?"

Lena bites her lip, and then... she just goes for it. "I want to kiss you."

"Oh, well," Kara scoffs, nudging Lena playfully. "You could have just said that twenty seconds ago."

Lena smiles, then she falls against Kara, feeling her warmth, feeling her shaky exhalations against Lena's licked lips when she looks down, and then Lena presses up and kisses her without really thinking about it. She figures she must shock Kara as much as she shocks herself, because Kara makes a sound between a gasp and a moan, and if Lena thought she had any control over this situation - she loses it right there.

She snaps her eyes shut, mouth falling open the second Kara twists her fingers in her shirt, and she swears she can feel every thought between them just in the _way_ they're kissing.

It's wet and it's curious and it's _slow_ , Lena's hands finding their way to Kara's hair, and Kara turning them so she can pin Lena against the metal of the jeep. It's the way Lena's always imagined kissing someone - breathing them in, giving too much, letting them _take_ , not worrying she'll lose herself and force a bond or hurt them in any way. It's just Kara's tongue in her mouth and her teeth biting into Lena's lips, and Lena's legs shaking so much that Kara has to lift her up. The heat in her belly feels intensified, turned up a thousand degrees, like _there's fire and then there's lava_ \- there's Kara's hand on her thigh, and then there's Kara gasping into her mouth, moaning sounds that Lena swallows, heart beating so fast she's afraid it'll tear through her skin. She can't catch her breath, keeps chasing air from Kara, and it feels a little like she wants to break, wants to cry because she _knows_ how hard she's reaching out, and it's - she could never do this. Not with anyone else.

Kara pulls away, fists digging into Lena's sides like if she loosens her grip Lena just might dissipate. "Hey," she says softly, and Lena lets her hands fall, rests her forehead on Kara's shoulder. "You okay?"

"I dunno," Lena mumbles. "I think so. I just—it's hard to put into words how I—how many times I've thought about what it'd be like meeting someone like you. And I think I've dreamed about this moment, like, touching someone uninhibited for so long, and it's been driving me fucking crazy thinking that I never would. So, I think this all feels too heavy for me meeting you less than an hour ago, but. I don't. I don't want to stop touching you."

The words hang between them, suspended like the stars. Lena isn't sure why she told her that, too much too soon. But it's the truth and if Kara were any other person, she would have felt it the second she took Lena's hand.

"I feel the same," Kara says, finally. "You're the first person I've touched in so long, like - not even Alex, because when I touch her, she can't feel Kelly. And that's scary for her and I get it since they've bonded, but it's hard. It's just hard. And so now m'like being weirdly clingy with a stranger."

"I'm not a stranger," Lena pouts, rubbing her nose against Kara's shirt. "You know I like tacos."

"And sing-alongs."

"Long walks on the beach at sunrise."

"Romantic getaways where you're completely isolated."

"Mmm," Lena hums, then, "Scented candles. Ice cream. Sitting on the deck looking at the stars. Wrapping myself in a warm blanket during a snowstorm."

"Cuddling?" Kara asks.

"In theory," Lena says. "But I can't know for sure, haven't tried it. Not since like, middle school."

"We could test it out," Kara suggests, "for science."

"What about our friends?"

"I'm not a mind reader," Kara says, "not my area, but I'm pretty sure they were hoping we would hook up."

Lena laughs, and Kara does, too. Then Lena traces the curve of Kara's biceps, feels her out, waiting to wake up, for Kara to disappear. But she doesn't. She doesn't go anywhere. She's real and she's warm and fuck cuddling for science, Lena wants to do it for herself. "Okay," she says, "okay. Let's try it, then."

"Yeah?" Kara asks.

"Yeah," Lena echoes. "I want to take you home."


End file.
